This morning I managed to stagger to another Parenting circle, half asleep from the night before (baby is still not sleeping through the night, but for some reason he can handle his sleep deprivation. I am the walking dead, he is a bundle of energy). The topic of the morning was meditation for mothers. How to keep your inner balance and stay centred, calm, alert and present, even when the chaos of motherhood is upon you. I don’t know about you, but that is something I desperately need in my life.

The facilitator was a chilled out mother of two, who realised that her meditation practice was slipping to the wayside while she was busy being a mother. She noticed that every book she ever read on meditation started with the words: “Create a sacred space, find a time free of distractions, and light a candle”. Hahaha! Find a space and a time? Light a candle around a young child?!

She decided that she needed to bring her meditation practice into every day life. To find a way to meditate in the ordinary moment. At the check-out line, in the kitchen, changing nappies. Otherwise it just wasn’t going to happen. She found that not only is it possible to meditate with a wriggling, squawking baby in your arms, but it actually makes you a better mum. More able to cope with the stress and strain of it all.

We tried it this morning. Baby was fine for the first 10 minutes. I watched my thoughts float by like clouds, noticed that baby was squirming but stayed in the moment, breathing deeply and relaxing into my body. And then he started fussing and giving out these shrill screaks (a cross between a scream and a high-pitched squeak) and I just lost it.

The moment that is.

I stayed calm, but I couldn’t focus on anything other than trying to figure out what was wrong with my baby. I had to go to the back of the room and try to rock, bounce, feed, rock, bounce, feed… anything to keep him quiet so that other people like me could hear the rest of the workshop.

I managed to catch a bit of a lecture on the benefits of meditation, but only out of one ear, in between screaks. Then there was a standing meditation for when you’re really about to lose your shit. I tried this one, since I was dangerously close to the edge at that point. You bring your hands over your head and fold them together in front of your heart, in prayer position and say “I have everything I need” or “I am at peace”. It didn’t work for me. But hey, I could only do it with one hand, as the baby was dangling in the other, so maybe that’s why.

Finally there was a raisin meditation. Yes, you heard me: a raisin. Every one took a raisin (I took three) and studied it slowly in the palm of their hand. Then we slowly put it in our mouths and noticed the texture, and the taste, and the urge to chew, and then we eventually swallowed it. Mindful eating. Hard to do with baby. I’m quite proud to say I’ve perfected the art of unmindful eating (hence the 3 raisins). I could have the world record for eating meals in super fast time. No need to chew, just lob it in the gob and swallow it down.

Just as the workshop ended, baby fell fast asleep in my arms. Dead to the world. Now is that typical, or what?