Whenever I’m in the cranial osteopath’s office I rush over to the magazine rack and grab the latest issue of People, to speed-read the celebrity gossip and look at the pictures. I would never actually buy People magazine, you understand, and I wouldn’t normally confess to reading what teeters on the edge of being gutter press. But since we’re all friends here, I’d like to get it off my chest that I do sort of like People magazine. In a crazy, celebrity-obsessed, addictive kind of way. It’s not healthy, but I can’t help myself.
Yesterday I frantically grabbed the latest copy of People, thinking it might have the pics of Brangelina’s twins. I heard they paid around $15 million for the photos. That’s $15 MILLION DOLLARS. Is that a LOT of money, or what? Not for the F.O.B. perhaps, but for the rest of us mere mortals spending such a vast amount of cash for a photo shoot is unimaginable. And let’s face it, obscene.
Think on this: Brangelina’s baby pics are worth more than the GDP of Afghanistan. And Jamaica. And Bosnia. And Honduras. And a whole bunch of other countries.
There’s something seriously wrong with our culture. Imagine what $15 million could do for children in Bosnia. What about providing safe water to villagers in Honduras? I mean, c’mon folks, let’s get our priorities straight.
I heard that Brangelina are giving their cash to charity. Thank God someone’s got their heads screwed on. But you can bet your bottom dollar that People are going to make a lot more than $15 million out of the deal. And somehow I don’t think they’ll be giving any cash to charity.
Anyway, I didn’t get to look at the photos because they’re not out yet. I don’t think I can wait for the next doctor’s appointment. I’ll have to make a special trip to the drugstore. They’ll probably sell out so I’ll have to get their early. Some things in life, like Brangelina’s babies, are worth going the extra mile for. Who wants to read about starving children in Africa [yawn] when you can read about the world’s greatest celebrity couple’s million dollar twins?
