feather-ticklerI was in the pet store yesterday gathering supplies for my new kitty who arrives next week, when I had a flashback to one of the most original chat up lines I’ve heard over the years. It was a long time ago, but I remember it vividly. Sigh. Some memories last forever.

It was the end of a working day, and I was knackered. I needed some new toys for my cats, and in my brain-dead state I couldn’t make my mind up between “Da Bird” feather tickler, or “Cats Claws” feline flyer. It was a tough decision.

I must have been standing there for 10 minutes or more, swirling feather toys about, when suddenly a man stepped close beside me. I ignored him. I wasn’t in the mood for being sociable. I was burnt out.

“Those look fun!” he said suggestively.

 I glanced up and saw a pudgy, balding guy leering down at me.

“Excuse me?!” I was sharp tongued in those days. Not much time for men I didn’t fancy.

“Looks like you could have a good time with one of those.”  He leered again, and moved closer.

I didn’t know what to say to that, so I said nothing. I stared intently at the toys and took a step in the other direction. I couldn’t make up my mind about these damn feather ticklers, and now this old guy was bothering me.  But instead of taking the hint, he moved along with me.

“Hey, are you a witch or something?” he asked. I was wearing knee high black boots and a long black cardigan.

“Yes. I am.” I snapped. I was starting to lose patience with this guy. Couldn’t he get the message? I was giving all the signs. I was just not that into him.

But instead of going away, he smiled and pulled out his business card, and said: “I’m Dean Ornish. You may have heard of me. I’m writing a new book on Sex and the Single Witch, and I wondered if you’d like to help me with my research? Here’s my card, call me.”

And without waiting for a response, he walked away, leaving me standing there stunned into silence.

The cheek of the man. Of course I didn’t call him. In those days I wasn’t interested in a man unless he had the body of a God and was at least 5 years younger than me. I liked men who had all their hair. On their head anyway. Not coming out of their ears and nostrils.

If only that had happened today. Today, I’m a different woman. What I wouldn’t do for a chat up line like that again. I would DEFINITELY go out with him. I don’t care about a bit of hair loss and a beer belly. He would probably have been a really interesting date. Sadly, I think he’s married now. I missed my chance.